I believe it’s safe to say that all married women have fantasized, at least once, about having sex with another partner during their healthy, happy, and loving marriage. Her fantasy may be a secret affair with a celebrity, someone at the office, or perhaps just a sexy and willing figment of her imagination. Most women never act on these (normal, healthy) impulses, but some couples do — in a totally consensual way. The husband gives his wife permission and encouragement to have sex with other men, while he stays faithful only to her. It’s called Cuckolding, and many committed, loving, and trusting married couples engage in it.
The word “cuckold” derives from the name of the cuckoo bird, which has a habit of laying its eggs in other birds’ nests. The association and the sexual implications are common in medieval folklore and literature, although the older usages usually imply that the husband is unaware of his wife’s adultery. In modern fetish usage, a cuckold is compliant in his partner’s sexual infidelity. Not only is the cuckold partner happy about and sexually excited by the adulterous act, they also often pick out her outfit for the night, shop for jewelry for her to wear, arrange the hotel accommodations and supply the condoms.
A cuckold, then, is traditionally the husband of an adulterous wife, and the wife who enjoys cuckolding her husband is frequently called a “hotwife” or a “cuckoldress.”
Working as a fetishist, I have role played the hotwife in many sessions with clients who either have a cuckolding fantasy, who are no longer in a cuckolding relationship but still crave it, or who want to talk while their hotwife is out on a date.
One client expressed his feelings about being in such a relationship with particular eloquence:
“I never would have dreamed that my beautiful, church-going, subservient wife of more than 25 years would call my bluff and be excited about my cuckolding fantasy. Yes, she is church-going and PTA-attending, a doting soccer mom, educated, professional, worldly, and the sweet and innocent lady next door who no one would never suspect had a deep craving to experience new, different, and varied sexual experiences with other men of all ages.
It started out innocently a few years ago when we used fantasy role play in the bedroom to keep the embers burning. One weekend while the kids were away, we slowly stepped away from our normal vanilla world and started to explore and indulge in my deepest desires. Ever since the first affair, my wife has the “power” in the relationship, and she loves it. We’re now playing by her rules, which means playing with others outside our marriage, but no play for me.”
Photographer: Barbara Nitke
In all relationships, however, there are many perspectives, and each person’s emotions, thoughts, and beliefs take frequent twists and turns. Cuckolding is not for everyone. For some hot wives, what seems at first like a “have your cake and eat it too” arrangement turns into feelings of confusion.
One hot wife explains,
My new husband and I have always enjoyed our sex life. We have been together for five years now, and our sexual energy together still feels electric. Then, out of nowhere, he told me one day that he wanted to catch me in the act of having sex with another man. Literally. Although I have zero sexual attraction to other men, I agreed to try it out. The question then became where to find a willing male participant. After weeks of talking to trusted friends, we ended up on a swinger’s site and found many eager seekers.
Immediately, my husband became way more interested in sex with me. At first I absolutely loved it, although I was curious about why this turned him on so much. When I asked him, he explained, “I think it’s because I always felt a lot of rejection from girls as a young man and even as I got older. I worry that the women I have close relationships with might leave me for other men, and acting it out in a controlled environment actually makes me feel safe.”
He knows I would never leave him, but he likes to imagine that I’m a dirty girl who likes to have sex all the time with strangers behind his back. He even likes it when I sext with guys while we’re having sex together so he can read it.
So, how is this for me? I have done this a few times for him now, and I’ve found that I do not physically or emotionally enjoy the sex with other men. I am able to go through the motions and act like I love it. I have yet to achieve an orgasm during sex with someone else. Usually after we’ve played, he claims his interest in me having sex with other men has started to wane, but then, after a few weeks, it always returns. I have now refused to do another cuckold scenario until he’s willing to fulfill some of my fantasies as well, although that has not yet happened. He keeps getting stuck on this same cuckold fantasy. I suppose it must be amazing for him, but it does nothing for me.
In the end, as always, it depends on you and your partner. If one or both of you has a cuckold fantasy, it’s worth talking about. Indulging this fantasy has the potential to improve your relationship and make you stronger as a couple, but it takes careful planning, communication, and honesty throughout the whole process. And, if you’re curious but don’t want to go all the way with a stranger, try role playing a cuckold scenario first! Remember, no matter what, you are in control, and you have the freedom to explore your sexuality however you want. As long as you keep an open mind and communicate well, you and your partner can be happy together no matter how adventurous or vanilla you decide to be!
Sandra is an author and expert in personal and professional reinvention, authentic living, communication, beauty, and bridging the gap between sexuality and a lifestyle that focuses on holistic health of the mind, body and spirit. She is the CEO of Attainment Studios, a sex positive business directory website designed to bring together members of the sex-positive community, and for finding solutions for your professional and personal needs. Her recent book Switch: Time for a Change, is a memoir of her journey from holistic practitioner to professional dominatrix at 55-years-old after losing everything, and her passion and purpose is to empower others towards healthy authentic living. To learn more about Sandra and receive your FREE eBook “5 Steps for Better Communication, Sex, and Happiness (Did I mention better sex?) visit http://sandralamorgese.com/